Standing in the Sun
There are people who say that they love you, and people who sit next to you all night and hold your hand while you lay up in the ER with chest pain.
“Close your eyes and think of the beach” His calm reassuring voice balances my nerves. “Think of the warm white sands, and the clear blue turquoise water.” I close my eyes as He squeezes my hand. “Feel the warm water around your ankles, Taste the sweet tropical drink in your hand, and Hear the steel drums in the distance.”
I force myself to deep breathe through the hurt and focus on His voice.
A nurse walks in and disturbs Our Zen.
She hooks up the EKG.
I look at Him and say “heck of a date night, huh?”
This is our second stop.
The Walk In ER sent us to the real ER.
The Nurse laughs. ” And almost full frontal” she says as my thin gown is spread exposing my naked chest to the leads.
Another Nurse starts an Iv, and a Radiology Technician follows with more questions.
The Beach gets shoved aside to the probing and testing.
I want to get back to the Beach.
The beach is Our refuge.
We both need some sun and ocean in Our lives.
The dream vacation to the Bahamas is on the TO DO List.
I hold onto the Beach as He squeezes my hand, and they put the IV in.
As I get wheeled out to the CAT scan, He says “It will be ok. I love you. See you soon.”
I nod and tell Him that I love Him. I want to believe Him that it is all OK.
(If He says it will be alright, it will. I trust Him with my life.)
I don’t like hospitals, or doctors.
I am not fond of tight spaces.
The CAT scan room is ice cold and sterile looking.
I lay on the bed with the thin hospital gown, and stare at the big white tunnel thing.
“Think Beach”- I tell myself.
I hate this.
I want to go back to the room.
In Our bed.
“Don’t move your body” The Tech says. “Don’t breathe when I tell you not to.”
The machine says don’t look into the laser light ( located above me).
I close my eyes and try to get back to the Beach, and His voice.
The noise, and bed moving in and out grate on my nerves.
I don’t like being in this thing.
Warm Sun. Cool Water. Steel drums.
I close my eyes tighter.
“Don’t breathe” The Tech breaks in. “Hold it.”
“Now you will feel the contrast” The Tech says.
I feel hot fire flush through my veins. A chemical taste in my chest. A burning through my pelvis.
I close my eyes tighter. I hate this.
The beach. Him. Everything will be OK.
The Tech appears to take me back.
I feel better going back.
I need to see Him.
He smiles at me , and I feel myself calm.
He holds my hand as I settle back and wait.
The choices are mostly scary stuff: Heart, Blood Clot, Pneumonia.
I root quietly for Pneumonia.
Give my pain med, antibiotic and let me go home with Him.
Time crawls by.
He holds my hand and distracts me.
The Doctor appears.
Good news- No clot, my heart is fine, and no Pneumonia.
“Let’s go get your drugs and go home” He smiles.
I love Him more if that is even possible.